baby maximus: cries, crutches, and thank you's

Today the clinic and therapy appointments took three hours.  There was a lot of waiting but there was also a lot of bending, poking, and wrapping.  They made Maximus a cast for his left hand to try and keep his thumb from contracting.  

By the end, all three of us were irritated.  A mint brownie would have made me feel a teensy bit better.  But they didn't have any today.  And that kind of set the mood for the rest of the day.

And the end of the day looked like this: 

He is already tired but he isn't allowed to sleep yet because there are still stretches and dressing changes.  And forcing the ibuprofen to help with pain and swelling.  He hates all of it.  By the time it is over he is inconsolable.  Maximus is laying there, trying his best to scratch his itchy donor sights with his cast.  He is crying and screaming.  Karl tries to sooth him.  He won't be soothed.  I give it a try.  It seems it is even worse.  I try to hold him and he wrestles out of my arms.  I try and read to him and he bats the book out of the way.  I try lotion on his legs.  He still itches.  I try a cold pack and he would have none of it.  He rolls one way and another.  Every move I make seems to make him even madder.  I finally lay him in his crib and walk out.  And feel like I am heartless but know that I am helpless.  In just a few minutes he is quiet.  We know he is sleeping.  But this routine is a far cry from the simple bath, story, blow a few kisses and tip toe out.  I miss that routine.  I am sure Maximus does even more.  And when I have nights like this, a little bit of  black kind of seeps into view.  He doesn't understand why we are hurting him.  

So maybe my emotions are high but tonight I started thinking about how people are so willing to help Maximus, it kind of sent my mind spinning.  It is a mix of emotions.  Gratitude being the greatest, of course.  

I remember when I was nine and my friend broke her leg and she had to have crutches.  We all thought they were so great.  At recess we would line up and take turns using her crutches.  We would take turns carrying her books and her lunch tray.  And when we all had to sit on the floor for the assembly, she got to sit in a chair.  So I secretly thought it would be so fun to break my leg so I could have crutches all the time, and have someone carry my stuff, and sit in special places.  Idiot. 

 I obviously had it all wrong.  She was miserable.  And she couldn't move around because she was letting her friends play with her crutches.   

Boy oh boy, did I have it wrong.  Now we are the ones with crutches.  And it kind of sucks a lot.  It is not awesome or romantic at all.  As much as this threw our life out of whack, people are helping to put it back into whack :).  People are doing things for us that we can't do right now and it's kind of a feeling that I can't even identify.  Man, people are nice. 

I am grateful that I have little Maximus.  I have said before that he brought peace into the world when he was born.  I really believe that.  But now I see that it was more than just peace.  He draws out the good.  Because of him, I get to see how good people are.  I always kind of knew.  But now I really know.  And I also know I don't even know the extent of it.  I want to know all of it because I want to give credit and be thankful.  But maybe this is a lesson for me to learn to be thankful for more than I know.  But, really, if you are reading this and you are one of the people that have been sending out good on our behalf, I want you to know how grateful we are.  When I think of these things, I feel like it literally lifts me up.  I hear of the good, and it seems to help sweep the black out of sight.  As Maximus grows up, he is going to hear how much people rallied to help him and his family.   When he looks at his hands, I hope, somehow, it reminds him of how much he is loved.

And as if my heart wasn't already warmed up enough, just look at this.  Karl's mom got this photo of Maximus giving his great grandma kisses.