Thursday, May 3, 2012


Today is one of those days when I want to curl up with my fuzzy blanket and just watch Korean dramas (my latest addiction.  I can't expect anyone besides a fellow addict to understand what I am talking about.  There are two kinds of people.  Those that are addicted to Korean dramas and those that have never watched them.  I am not recommending them to anyone that has stuff that they ever need to get done.  Ever.  No thanks to Hulu Plus I have 100+ awesome hours of people living fake dramatic understated Asian lives all queued up).  

It seems like I can only control so much in my life.  And the things that I can't control are making me feel a little weepy.  

This is my nine year old.  Nine.  Nine means she is old enough to say things like, "I'm just sayin'" and, "I don't really want to talk about it right now."  Nine means that she isn't this three year old anymore.  I miss that three year old.  A little serious on her first day of preschool.  She has always been on the serious side.  I miss her tiny self so much that it kinda makes me weepy today.
 Okay, and this kid.  The one in popping front of his sister in her dress ups.  Look at that smile.  That mischievous smile?  No one told him to smile.  He just used to be so smiley.  Today, he has made me weepy in my heart and for reals.  Had to visit the principal's office again.  Twice in one day.  Twice.  Or how about the part where the kid that probably physically needs recess the most, has to miss it because he makes work time his own personal recess.  He is such a good boy and we took him out of a school where the teachers loved him so much.  And now he is in a school where the exact same things that endeared him to his teachers before are driving his teachers crazy.  And it's kinda driving me crazy.  Huh?  What?  I can't hear anything over my fuzzy blanket calling my name.  Must. Focus...

My dear friend shared this video that shows in statistics that schools are not really made for boys.  I don't think Samuel needs more video games, but I do see her point.  I know I can't make excuses for my kid but... haha, but... I am having a hard time distinguishing between trying to change his behavior (which I don't seem to be doing a very good job at) and feeling like I am crushing his soul (which is what I seem to be doing the most of).  Somehow we are supposed to teach Samuel how NOT to get his work done like his parents.  Maybe if they let him get his work done while riding a scooter (uh, like his dad does.  For reals), or at midnight (uh, like his mom does.  For reals) he will get it done faster.

Oh man, look at this little kid.  
This kid is making me feel weepy, too.
 I put him down to sleep and asks for a book to hold and then he blows kisses to say goodnight.  Most of the time we put him down, he seriously blows kisses as we walk out the door.  It melts my heart every time.  Is this kid for real? 
He walks around melting lots of people's hearts.  He just has that quality.  And look, he is growing up.  I just boxed up his baby clothes.  Most of them we borrowed from my sweet sister in law and her new baby boy is going to need them.  The whole process felt like kind of a ceremony.  It means he is getting older.  These tiny clothes had so many memories in them. That this phase is over.  And then I get weepy.  And then I get even more weepy that I will also be sending this boy to school one day, too. 
Not all my weepies are sad ones, today. 
Some of them are grateful, happy ones. But most of them are worried ones that come with walking on such unfamiliar ground.  I don't really know how to raise these little-ish ones.  I have my past experience, books, the Google, role models, instinct, even a college degree on how to teach these kids. But most of the time, I don't know what I am doing.  How can I control things that I don't know about?  They ought to make a Korean drama about this.  I would totally watch all 100 hours of it.  And totally weep while I do :).  


Kris Tina said...

1) Oh Pook - this post makes ME weepy.
2) I will totally watch Korean dramas with you. What ones should I be watching? Just tell me - I'll get all caught up in time for your visit.

Karen said...

Very sweet. I am putting some of Kate's clothes away today and that makes me cry, too. Granted, I'm a "weepier" person than you. I would probably cry at the Korean dramas.

Abbigail said...

I too am weepy seeing little Eva. I remember that dress and boots. She was and is the sweetest girl. Seeing all of those baby clothes makes me emotional too. I have a lot of memories tied up in those too. Can you believe another Israelsen boy is going to grow and play in those? Ibthink when he is through with them I will make two quilts out of the fabric for each of us to curl up into when we are feeling weepy about our growing children.

Jamie said...

awwww sorry you're having a hard time with Samuel. When people said parenthood was tough I just thought they were talking about late night feedings and sicknesses and stuff. I didn't know about all the heartache we'd have. Also, I was laughing so hard when you mentioned the Korean soap operas because my mom is totally obsessed with them and we tease her all the time!!! So funny!

jamie parker said...

This post touched me...they all do, but this one especially hit home....having raised 2 girls and now with an 'almost 9, mom!' year old, I still feel ill- equipped at times. You have such wonderful children:) Full of love, humor and grace. Samuel makes me smile every time he hops in my car after school. Last time when I pulled in front of your house he said..."I forgot my lunch bag again....I do this too many times." I told him it was okay...even when we are older we forget things....lots of things. His sweet little self hopped out of the car and I know he felt bad....but then he saw a bug on the driveway and he was smiling again. He is thinking about lots of stuff...he thinks more than most of us...he just takes a different approach. It will be that approach that makes a difference in this world, someday. I think I need to watch a Korean Drama...I'm intrigued. :)

Emily said...

so perfectly said, as always.


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