baby maximus: i'm sorry

I am sorry that Maximus hurts. 

I am sorry that sometimes when he is hurting all I can do is rub his back or his hair or any other skin that I can find that isn't bandaged up.

I am sorry that sometimes he hurts so bad that he wants his face buried in my neck and when I move an inch, he gets scared.  It's like he is trying to crawl in and hide from the hurts in that spot.  Sometimes he tries to hold me with his nubby muffin clubs to make sure that I can't get away.  

I am also so sorry for the people that are sorry right along with me.  Maximus is not just mine and Karl's baby.  I know that.  I know that there are so many people feeling pain, too.

His besties are the guys with the big giant teddy bear hearts.  Maximus with his teeny tiny vocabulary, seems to be able to carry on some sort of conversation.  Words not necessary.  I heard that one of Maximus's favorite friends at church spoke of when he first met Maximus.  My friend wrote,  "He said that Max wanted to eat some food with him, came down and sat next to him and they ate together.  Michael's words were, 

'we became good friends after that.' 

He talked about how much he missed him and how much he wishes him a speedy recovery."

Just thinking about this gets us choked up every time.   Can't you just picture Maximus sitting next to this local, gentle giant, hanging out and having a snack?  Such a great image.  

I have so many memories of Maximus making friends like that. 

And I know that those friends are hurting, too, and I'm sorry.    

Two and a half weeks half passed by.  The shock of the story has worn off.  But it still is a pretty yucky thing to hear. I am sorry that we have this horrific story and that people we love have to hear it.   My heart sinks every time I see a new baby in the burn unit.  I'm starting to feel like a permanent fixture here.  Feels like we see kids come in and out but we keep staying.  He has another surgery scheduled for Friday.  They will take the skin from his left thigh and graft his left hand.  

The nurse snapped this picture...

It's okay to be this sorry. I know I won't always have to be this sorry. 

 We dumped some sad into the universe.  

I'm sorry.